Nice Guys
Andrea doesn't think that nice guys finish last. In fact, she thinks they finish first in dating! While it is possible to be a bit too nice, read: a pushover. Strike the right balance by being self-aware without being self-conscious or overbearing.
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If some of you would listen in detail to what Andrea is saying you might learn something. Notice the key words Andrea uses "and your niceness may actually be the quality that lands you more dates *with the woman you like*" (emphasis added). If you are truly a nice guy then you will be searching for a nice woman who appreciates nice guys - NOT some screwed up, immature, and confused girl who is choosing to be with jerks.
It says a lot about yourself who you choose to be your mate, and I don't buy for a second that a lot of you so-called "nice guys" truly are nice guys if you are pursuing women who are obviously making bad choices in their own life. You "nice guys" also make a lot of presumptions and sweeping generalizations about females - that is not the behavior of a truly nice person in my book. Furthermore you play the victim by claiming that these oh so evil women don't know what's good for themselves and there's nothing you can do to improve your lot in life.
Well you can start improving your situation by not caring so much about what other people want and start thinking about what YOU want. Do you really want to be with some screwball psycho who likes to do stupid things? It doesn't bother me that those kind of women aren't interested in me - I could care less what kind of guy they are looking for - because I sure as hell don't want to be with them. The only kind of women I want interested in me are the nice, respectful, conscientious, and grown-up women who are ready to have a loving, mature, and intimate relationship.
Yes, perhaps the price of being nice is that you have fewer prospects in life. You have to decide for yourself if being nice is worth paying that price. To me it is, and I live my life as a truly nice person without regrets. I may never get a chance to sleep around with the bimbos but that's perfectly OK with me because I'd rather be in a committed relationship with a truly wonderful woman who is one of a kind.
I think that as a woman, you are not understanding what "nice guy" means to a guy. When most nice men really like a woman, they put her up on a pedestal. They consider her opinion as the most important opinion in the world. They consider her needs as the most important needs in the world. So, they want to do every thing for her. This is when most women, just start taking the "nice guy" for granted. In fact, they start thinking that the nice guy is dull and unexciting.
Another thing about the nice guy is that he wants things to be spontaneous. Therefore, he doesn't plan strategies, even if he gives a flower, it does come from the heart, not from planning to impress her.
In the end, nice guys hear "You are really nice, but...", "You are cute, I just don't...", or the dreaded "I like you, I just see you as a friend..."
In the mean time, they see the other guy just grabbing the woman of their pedestal, putting their arms around her, making her kiss them, taking her away to their place.
I was the nice guy when I started liking girls. But as some one who observes, analyzes, and applies what he learns, I learned from every guy that took the girl from me. I was a good looking boy, so I heard the "you are so cute, but you are too nice..." line just too many times. So, initially, I became very mean and fast. The truth is that VERY QUICKLY, I was taking every girl I liked to bed in the first or second date. All I had to do was to act very fast, not giving them time to think. I would stop at the correct time, when our faces were very close to each other, back off a little, smile, caress their face and their hair, put my hand gently behind their ear, and tell them how amazingly beautiful they were. It worked ALL OF THE TIME, hundreds of times. After I kissed them, I would just stop paying attention to them, until I felt like taking them and holding them close to me. Then, I would tell them to kiss me, or whatever. I did all this many times, with a smile, and using humor to make it more fun for them. Eventually, I did find the whole game hollow, and started feeling empty. So, I stopped playing those games, found one girl, got married, got divorced, choose better the second time, marry again, and be happy with my second wife.
From that experience, I can assure you that girls do fall for the players. My best advice for nice guys is to learn the strategies the bad guys use and use them when they find the girl they really want. In the end, that matters is that you got the girl you wanted, even if you had to play a game to get her.
Hey ksaclo, its because they have never been with a confident, handsome, good guy. At my university, I could date any girl on campus. Seriously, they know I'm a good guy, but I'm not a nerd. If it means searching for a while to find him, why not?
Hi - thanks for your comments - good to hear them. My opinion is based on interviews with lots of women...it is true that some women like bad boys, no doubt, but women looking for long-term relationships are looking for a partner who is nurturing (the book "Social Intelligence" touches on this theory quite effectively) In my article I stated that it can be frustrating to be seen as a friend (never said men just wake up and are suddenly attracted!) I want to leave it open to the audience if they agree with Harry's rule or not. Some will and many won't....
Anyway, good food for thought! Thanks for watching and for sharing your perspective.
Sorry but after listening to this "Nice guy" theory and Friend zone thing, I am not sure how any of you can listen to her advice. Her point of view is the way a woman thinks, but is not actual reality. Women, in general, like the bad boys because they are prone to wanting a challenge of trying to harness the "bad boy". It is in their nature to nurture. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but the majority of women (including the ones we want to date) whether they admit it or not want that challenge and that is mainly found in the bad boy.
As for staying out of the friend zone, once again she naively thinks that men suddenly start having feelings for a friend over time. If you are remotely attractive, your "guy" friend has always wanted the chance to be with you. probably from the start. The question is more does he just want sex, a relationship, or even better "friends with benefits".
no ono is good
Sports Bars are common in North America and I am sure in other countries too, BUT I also find that EVEN if you are in your late TWENTIES or EARLY Thirties, dates that are "arranged" by friends or even Family / Parents do work. You are NOT obligated to turn on the charm or to do anything unusual... Just go out, meet the person and have fun (unless they are REALLY boring or totally self-centered)
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Andrea makes a great point in distinguishing "nice" from dull. Thanks for the advice.
Looking good, and lots of good advice. I'm a NICE guy, I swear!
you are nice girl
why does the interview stop, and start. you about a 1/3 of the conversation, and that worthless
I think the previous post is correct. Some people are looking for 'bad' guys, unfortunately! But Andrea raises a good point that maybe we don't want to date those women, anyway (since they can't have wonderful self-esteem if they want to be mistreated)
I would like to think like Andrea that nice guys always finish first, but I have to agree that sometimes, nice guys DO NOT finish first for the same reasons that were mentioned in a number of responses from the people interviewed. It is true that when girls/ladies are looking for fun, nice guys are NOT as exciting as "Bad" guys.. That's life..
Hey Ralphy, First of all...False! We good guys are smarter, therefore we plan better because (if you want stereotypes) we all know that bad boys don't give a crap about planning ahead or being thoughtful, oh unless of course they are planning on getting laid. My first girlfriend still talks about me four years later. I was in a restaurant and these girls that worked with my ex said, "Oh, you're michael." Hell yeah I am! Because I treated her with respect even when I knew it wasn't going to work. I can think of ten times more ways to have fun over a cliche bad boy. I could be an asshole if I wanted to, but I'd rather have people say nice things about me.
The bad guy will find himself feeling empty and alone, no matter how many girls he gets. That is the reeason that in the end, even the bad guys that have lost of girls end up getting married. What we all really want in the end is to love and to be loved.